Nobody is coming to save you (and here’s why that’s a good thing) part 4

You can finds parts 1, 2 and 3 here

The key to working with your own nervous system to deal with potential threats lies in sourcing somatic safety. And no one can do that for you.

Here’s how this translates to power.

Once you realize the entire world isn’t out to get you, and actually work to notice the safety around you and not just the threat, you get to tap into the energy of being in charge of your own life.

This isn’t to say you’ll never experience danger again, you’re going to be cool as a cucumber always and nothing will bother you because you’re regulated. Remember there is no forcing, no quick fix, and this journey of unlearning your patterns takes a LIFETIME. (not to say you won’t notice things change, but don’t think its something you do once and call it a day. A coach of mine said it takes 300 repetitions of something for it to make an indent in your ways of navigating the world. It takes thousands of repetitions for it to become an unconscious habit)

Here’s what this has looked like for me. Using that experience of abdominal pain, and the doctor who both made me mad but gave me the key, I still experience abdominal pain. Some days it really really sucks, and I hate it, and I want to hand my power back to whatever doctor can make this go away (another spoiler alert: that doctor doesn’t exist. If I keep looking using that as my only sense of hope, I’m going to be spinning out on that hamster wheel forever). The difference between Ali before and Ali now is in how I respond. I’m not responding from a place of seeing this pain as a threat (which, if we’re being honest, is what we’re all taught to do, especially if you are existing at all within the medical system) but from a place of curiosity. What are you trying to tell me, body?

This doesn’t mean I don’t seek medical help (I do. Please do go see a doctor if you have pain issues). It means when I seek medical help, it’s a decision I’m making and not a knee jerk reaction because I’m afraid. I’m not looking for a doctor to fix me but to work with me, to give me a fresh perspective on what I’m looking at, maybe to order some tests so we can get a fuller picture and make informed decisions together.

Same situation, but I never once gave up my power. And as nervous system responses come up, as they do because I have a long history of being abused by the medical system and because hospitals are not a great sensory friendly place to hang out, I notice them. Consciously. Responding, not reacting. I orient myself to safety. I say “I know this is really scary, and I’m here with you.” I don’t abandon myself anymore because I’ve developed the capacity to be with myself in threat.

This is where the repetitions come in. Because if I didn’t build that trust with myself, if I didn’t look for signs of safety over and over again, if I didn’t actually sit with my bodily sensations and breathe into them and give them room, there is zero chance I’d feel prepared to handle a crisis. I would be on the next bus to sedate me, get me out of this situation, I just want to stop feeling. Which adds to my nervous system response.

The other key here is this hard work was never meant to be done alone. If it was easy, we all would have done it by now. All these systems are profiting off of us not completing the stress cycle. Systems were literally built on you not knowing your power. Healing has always been communal. One of the most primal needs humans have is for belonging and connection.

If you’re curious about how to implement this work in your own life, and work with your nervous system responses to move into a state of feeling your power and healing yourself, I’d love to chat. You can find my contact info, and fill out a coaching request, here