Sovereignty and somatic stories
(I wrote this as an instagram caption that ended up being way too long for instagram. So it’s living on my blog. This message is one I’ve been sitting with a lot lately. Proof that we just keep going back around the same thing until it teaches us what we need to learn)
You know that saying you teach the things you need to learn?
I’m working on a workshop presentation right now (which has been the biggest magnifying glass to my own life) on the stories we tell ourselves in our minds versus the stories we hold in our bodies.
I made the leap from if I feel x way, it means y about who I am as a person.
I foolishly thought I’d learned that lesson, turned the page, closed the book.
I spent the morning journaling through some questions, checked my email and saw a message about sovereignty based on avoidance.
It was the exact thing I’d been journaling about.
This idea that I needed to avoid the medical system, avoid external care, avoid more medications or additional diagnosis’ (that I actually fit all criteria for, the only thing missing was the name) in the name of sovereignty, and not being a person who pathologies their body, and being really trusting of my body and how my nervous system rides the waves and because I’m a person who preaches being embodied in an all encompassing way.
The exact thing I was preparing to teach people to step out of was the thing I was stepping into.
It’s a repeating lesson. Are you willing to let go of this identity? Are you willing to take this at face value and not let it mean anything about who you are as a person?
On the other side of these stories, I’m preparing to teach, is freedom. It’s actual true sovereignty and making decisions from a place of being truly embodied.
And guess what? Sometimes those decisions ARE to seek external care, or engage in systems
I say this to everyone else, more than willing to walk alongside another as a coach or doula, but I also view my needing outside support as a personal failing.
We’ve been given two options, it seems, which are complete blind reliance on a system that isn’t always trustworthy or completely leaving modern medicine behind and building this form of self reliance. I think it’s not as black and white as that. If we’re making decisions, any decision, from a place of fear and feeling trapped, it’s going to be the wrong decision.
If I was making a decision from a place of embodiment and true freedom, knowing whichever choice I make it doesn’t mean anything about who I am as a person, what would I choose?
What if instead of making all these mental stories, I tapped into the somatic story currently in front of me?
