On Hillsong, convoys and the desire to belong

Cody and I have been watching through the Hillsong docu-series on Discovery. If you don’t know what it’s about, the series follows the rise and fall of Hillsong (the church, the movement, the company). Abuse, affairs, coverups and narcissism. And the more I watch the more it sinks in for me that these issues aren’t just Hillsong issues, or even mega church issues. This toxic concept has spread through Christianity as a whole, and even if people say “My church isn’t like that,” you probably know of one who is. There’s a million more things I could say on church culture and deconstruction as a whole, but I’ll save that for another time. I want to come back to this one specific moment that caught my attention in the series.

Brian Houston, Pastor and “C.E.O” at Hillsong, was giving a talk and He referenced the multiple “expose documentaries” trying to bring down the organization and tarnish their reputation and what they stood for. If multiple people are in the process of making documentaries on you highlighting the abuse within your organization maybe that’s a clue something isn’t right, but I digress. And he said something along the lines of ‘Don’t let them distract you with these claims, the media… You know what’s true.” Chills went up my spine with how many times I’ve heard that exact phrasing within other abusive communities. Don’t focus on anything other than what we tell you.

It reminded me of something I read a few months back, when the freedom convoy was a big topic of discussion. At that point talks of racism, abuse, weapons, all of that had already surfaced. And a spiritual-esque page came across my instagram feed as something I may like. I clicked, scrolled through perfectly photographed images of yoga poses and beautiful plates of vegan meals, and in a post they had made making their stance on this freedom convoy debate they said “Don’t let them turn this debate into anything other than being about freedom. Don’t focus on the accusations, the rumours. This is about freedom. Full stop”

Wait, what? Did you catch that? The same wording, one from an evangelical movement that is crumbling under accusations of abuse and misconduct, and one from a spiritual movement who is claiming think for yourself. (I’m not here to talk about my opinion on either group, just noting similarities).

The claims of abuse, misconduct, racism, hatred, discrimination, ignore all that. Focus on this instead. Both things, to me, had the exact same energy. And at first glance these two groups would fall on opposite ends of the spectrum. Ever heard that the spectrum is actually a circle?

I don’t think any of these movements started in or were founded in the wrong place. Hillsong, the convoy, this yogic spiritual movement. But let me present a third option here: all of this is an example of what happens when people get power. Even under the guise of free choice and ask questions and think for yourself, there’s someone at the top, at the forefront. Lines get drawn, people are fueled by power, attention, money, success. There’s this sense of belonging and being part of something. And then what started as this wholesome, well intentioned thing spirals so fast. (And of course this can happen anywhere, regardless what side you’re on or what you believe. Whether its a government protest or a government group, or religion, or whatever, people are hard wired to seek belonging)

I want to bring another aspect into this. MLM’s. I have no issues with network marketing. I know people who have been successful in it. I’m even in some myself (though not at the level of having it be one of my main income sources). And it 100% operates as a pyramid. Consumerism in general operates as a pyramid, that’s why we hae the top 1%. A brand I have enjoyed came out with new standards recently, and one of their previously employed influencers is speaking out on social media about this. And what I find interesting in her sharing her story isn’t the consumerism mind of this brand. This is literally how consumerism works, we shouldn’t be surprised. It’s how she references belonging. This brand, she said, operated in a similar fashion to an MLM. You’re in, you share, you buy more. People come in under the illusion of community and creating friendships, and being supported (anyone in any MLM ever know what I’m talking about?) And of course consumerism plays a role in it, and in this woman’s experience she references having seen people go into debt or not be able to pay their bills trying to feed this addiction. You have to keep playing the part to keep the belonging. (Also the majority of MLM’s are run out of Utah. Know what else is big in Utah? Religion. I have no conclusions on this, just interesting to note).

How do people get sucked in, we ask? How do people end up thousands of dollars in debt? How do people end up in positions of being abuse by church staff? How do people get trampled over in the name of freedom? Isn’t it all the same? We jut want to belong. Going back in history not belonging, being cast out, almost certainly meant death. That is still hardwired in us. Its why one of the biggest forms of punishment in certain religious communities is shunning, or complete banishment. You lose belonging you lose everything. You lose the church, there goes community. You lose the protection of your government group (on both sides), who is going to protect me now? You lose belonging in a company and you are financially hung out to dry.

It’s never about the thing we think its about. And it’s everywhere. It’s not just Hillsong church, it’s the entire culture. It’s not just those easily manipulated sheep, it’s anyone and everyone. We’re all sheep, because we were all hardwired with that desire to belong. And whether that’s in an MLM or a religion or a convoy, we all are part of it. Myself included.

So now what? I don’t know. I don’t have answers. Here’s whatt I do know: We need to ask better questions, of ourselves and others. There’s the statement if you stand for nothing, you will fall for anything, and it’s also if you cling too tightly to what you stand for, you risk falling there too. Even if you think this isn’t you, it probably is, in some way or another. We’re human. This isn’t me calling you out, this is saying me too.

So take what is for you, leave what isn’t. Ask your own questions. Don’t take my thoughts as your truth (Please don’t!) What is true in your life right now? Where have you been and where are you part of this? The statement that changed everything for me was one I heard when I began my deconstruction journey: I am completely willing to be wrong. I still hold that. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe you’re wrong. Maybe we’re all wrong! Ok, and? I can be wrong and still be loved. I can be wrong and still know my innate belonging. There is nothing wrong with being wrong. Unless we hitch our belonging to it.