2023 wrapped
At the beginning of 2023, as I sat with a notebook full of intentions and hopes for the year ahead, I stumbled upon the TikTok trend known as lucky girl syndrome. Essentially it followed the belief of this statement: I’m so lucky everything always works out for me. And I decided, during my morning ritual practice, for every day in 2023, I would close my ritual with the affirmation I’m so lucky everything always works out for me.
I can’t tell you if the affirmation practice I found on a silly little TikTok trend worked. I can tell you somewhere along the line I did begin to believe it. How lucky I am that everything works out for me. How lucky am I?
Reflecting back on 2023, I think the common approach is to begin with the losses. The exhausted sigh of what a year. And yes, what a year, but not in the ways you might think.
In 2023, I saw so many relationships shift, some leaving entirely, whether through death or situations. I lost friends, lost people I genuinely thought I’d never be without.
In 2023, the realizations began that the surgery I’d had in 2022 hadn’t been as effective as we’d once hoped, or more accurately that we were now dealing with an entirely new beast. There were and continue to be hospital visits, specialist appointments, hours deep in the portals of pain. I met myself there, and I’m so proud of the person I became in those dark days. I was asked to meet my body in new ways, and I did and continue to do so, and I think she’s pretty fucking amazing. I love my body. I love the experience of having a body. The highs, the lows, the good days and the bad.
My own personal experiences in my body continued to further my career. Earlier this year, I had this moment of absolute crisis where I thought things were over for me. Things were shifting in my body which led to me making relationship and career decisions I don’t know if I would have made otherwise, in both good and bad ways, and I remember that night in late June genuinely thinking I’d just ruined everything (spoiler alert, I didn’t). I continue to work, grow, support and mentor in the transplant space. In addition to this work, I also began collaborating with other organizations in the field of chronic illness and embodiment. I began teaching yoga in person again, inspired by the trainings I’ve done this year in somatics, and from a deeply embodied place. My writing was published on a national level, and when I imagine telling my little girl self who dreamed of being a writer that now her writing pays her bills, I imagine her shock and delight. I continued my education, and all the little pieces I collected along the way began to fit together. I’m a certified end of life, grief, chronic illness and transplant doula, and supporting individuals as they navigate grief and loss as it relates to the physical body is my favourite thing. Currently I work primarily in transplantation, chronic illness of varying kinds, with bereaved parents (primarily parents who have terminated pregnancies for maternal health causes, in situations similar to what we experienced with Paris) and while it is heavy work, it’s also incredibly rewarding and I can’t imagine doing anything else.
I also flew to the coast this summer for what was supposed to be a work trip and ended up being a much needed soul reprieve. I met my dear friend Megan in person, with whom I collaborated with on many projects over this past year, and we continued our work in organ transplantation rituals together. I swam in the ocean, got to be a part of some really exciting projects that I’m hopeful will bring worldwide attention to the need for holistic and ritualistic care within the field of solid organ transplantation, and genuinely felt for maybe the first time in my entire life that this is the work I am to do in this world.
I made multiple trips to the mountains, with friends and with family, which always makes my soul breathe a little easier. I watched my beloved homelands burn in wildfire flames, and navigated an evacuation myself.
Reflecting on 2023, I feel in a wildly different place than I was at the beginning of the year, which I guess is a sign of growth. And I’m the slightest bit afraid 2024 won’t be as good to me as 2023 was. Because despite the losses and the hardship, 2023 was genuinely one of the best years of my life. And I’m madly in love with this beautiful little life I get to call mine.
As I’m writing down 2023 memories and creating 2024 goals, I have no idea where this next year is going to take me. I didn’t imagine any of the things that happened in this one. It’s a wild ride, and whatever happens I know that I’m incredibly lucky that I get to live it long enough to find out.
